“Managing up” is one of the most under-taught skills in engineering management. Most EMs spend energy managing down (their team) and not enough investing in the relationship with their own manager. The result: misaligned expectations, surprise feedback, and missed opportunities for support.
Why managing up matters
- Your manager controls your scope, headcount, and visibility
- Your manager can amplify your team’s wins or let them go unnoticed
- Misalignment between you and your manager kills the team’s effectiveness
- Your career trajectory depends significantly on your manager’s investment in you
The first 1:1 with a new manager
If you have a new manager (yours or theirs changes), set the foundation early:
- What does success look like for you and your team in the next 90 days?
- How do you prefer to be updated? (weekly written report, ad-hoc Slack, monthly review?)
- What are the things you absolutely want me to escalate?
- What are your management peers up to that we should be aware of?
The weekly written update
The most powerful managing-up tool is a 1-page weekly summary:
- Headline: 1–2 sentences on biggest wins/concerns
- Status of priority items with confidence levels (red/yellow/green)
- Decisions needed from your manager
- Asks (resources, priorities, escalations)
Sent every Friday. Saves both of you in 1:1s. Allows asynchronous decision-making. Documents your work.
The “no surprises” rule
Your manager should never learn about a major problem on your team from anyone but you. If something is going wrong:
- Tell them as soon as you know
- Frame it: “Here is what happened, here is what I am doing about it, here is what I need from you”
- Don’t hide problems hoping they will resolve
Trust is built by handling bad news, not by hiding it.
Asking for what you need
Most managers want to help but cannot guess. Surface needs explicitly:
- “I need cover from leadership on the X commitment”
- “My report Y is at risk; I need HR support”
- “We are tracking yellow on Q2 OKR Z; here is the recovery plan”
- “I need a headcount slot to add a senior engineer”
Specific asks beat generic complaints.
Disagreement with your manager
You will disagree sometimes. Strong patterns:
- Disagree in 1:1, not in front of others
- Frame your concern with data and named alternatives
- Ask for the rationale; you may be missing context
- If the decision stands, commit and execute. Re-raise only with new info
The skip-level relationship
You should know your manager’s manager, at least enough to:
- Be recognized in the hallway
- Have your work be visible to them
- Have one or two substantive conversations per quarter
This is not subverting your manager — it is normal organizational health. Your manager should encourage skip-levels.
When the relationship is not working
If you and your manager are misaligned consistently:
- Try direct conversation first — “I notice we disagree often on X; can we align?”
- Document specific examples and have a calibration discussion
- If still misaligned after deliberate effort, the situation may not be fixable; consider a transfer or external move
Promotion conversations with your manager
Don’t wait for your manager to bring up promotion. Ask explicitly:
- “Where am I tracking against the next level?”
- “What are the gaps?”
- “What support do you need from me to make a strong case?”
Documenting your contributions throughout the year makes your manager’s job easier and your case stronger.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my manager is bad?
Different problem. If they are unsupportive but functional, manage up effectively. If they are actively harmful (taking credit, ignoring, blocking), document and consider transfer.
How honest can I be in the weekly update?
Very. Hiding problems is a worse strategy than over-sharing. The risk of “looking incompetent” is much smaller than the risk of being seen as a manager who hides things.
What if my manager keeps changing direction?
Document each direction. Track time spent on shifting priorities. Surface the cost of churn explicitly. Sometimes this changes their behavior; sometimes it does not.