# Running Effective 1:1s as an Engineering Manager

Source: https://www.techinterview.org/post/3233475049/effective-engineering-manager-one-on-ones/
Updated: 2026-07-12 · techinterview.org

The 1:1 is the highest-leverage 30 minutes of an engineering manager's week. Done well, it builds trust, surfaces problems early, and invests in careers. Done poorly, it becomes a status meeting that wastes both people's time. Most managers under-invest here, and the impact compounds across years.

## Cadence

Standard: weekly, 30 minutes. Adjust:

- Meet a new report for 30 minutes, 2x per week for the first month.

- Meet a senior IC for 30–45 minutes weekly.

- If you manage managers, spend 60 minutes weekly with each lead.

- Across time zones, meet 45 minutes biweekly to make the travel-time worthwhile.

Never default to canceling. The signal of "1:1 cancelled" is bad. It tells the report they are not a priority.

## Agenda ownership

The report owns the agenda. They bring topics. You bring topics only when you have specific feedback or coaching to deliver.

Maintain a shared doc. Both contribute throughout the week. Topics queue up; you discuss what is pressing.

## What to discuss

The four streams of a healthy 1:1:

- Operational topics are blockers, current project status, and decisions needed.

- Career means growth, level, skills, and longer-term direction.

- Feedback flows both ways, from you to them and from them to you.

- Personal is their energy, their life, and what is on their mind.

You will not cover all four every week. But across a month, all four should appear.

## Strong opening questions

- "What is on your mind?"

- "What would you like to dig into today?"

- "How is your energy this week?"

- "Anything I should know about?"

Avoid: "Status update on project X?" That is a standup question, not a 1:1 question.

## Career conversations

Schedule explicit career conversations once a quarter. Different format from operational 1:1s:

- What does success at the next level look like?

- What are the most important skills you want to grow?

- What is one thing you want to be known for in 2 years?

- What support do you need from me?

Document the answers. Reference them. Hold yourself accountable for the support you commit to.

## Giving feedback in 1:1s

The 1:1 is the right place for candid, high-stakes feedback. Use SBI (Situation–Behavior–Impact). Be direct.

Feedback should not surprise the report. If they only hear concerns at year-end review, you waited too long.

## Receiving feedback in 1:1s

Ask for it explicitly. "How can I be more helpful to you?" or "What should I keep doing? What should I stop?" Reports rarely volunteer manager feedback unprompted.

When you receive critical feedback, do not defend. Listen, ask clarifying questions, thank them. Adjust if warranted.

## Common 1:1 antipatterns

- The status meeting: "What did you do this week?" If that is your 1:1, your other rituals (standup, written updates) are broken.

- The agenda-less wander: "Anything for me?", then silence, then small talk, then the meeting ends.

- The lecture: the manager talks for 25 of 30 minutes, and reports learn nothing about themselves.

- The constant cancel: the 1:1 keeps slipping, and trust erodes.

- Skipping whenever nothing is pressing: the value of a 1:1 is creating space for what is hard to surface in standup, so keep it.

## Skip-level 1:1s

If you manage managers, schedule quarterly skip-level 1:1s with their reports. You learn what your direct reports may not tell you. Be transparent: "I do this once a quarter; nothing is private from your manager."

## Frequently Asked Questions

### Should I take notes during the 1:1?

Yes, but lightly. Heavy note-taking signals "this is a record" and changes the conversation. Brief notes after the meeting work better.

### How do I handle a report who never has anything for the 1:1?

Probe: "What is going well that I do not see?" "Is there anything you are uncertain about?" If still nothing, prompt with topics: feedback, career, energy. If pattern persists, address it directly.

### Is it OK to do 1:1s walking?

For some people, yes, and it produces a different conversation. Not great for note-taking or feedback delivery.